After all this time, I finally found the words I want to say to you. Since we knew each other so well before, I'm sure you know I'm talking to you now if you read these lines. I want to tell you I know what you tried to do a month before your birthday, and the purpose of that present was not to get you to stop ignoring me or to ask for forgiveness for whatever it is I did. It was a goodbye present. And I'm telling you now because I couldn't before, that I didn't believe a single word of that bullshit you fed me on msn. And I was so close to fucking tears when you said that. Beautiful thing about technology, isn't it? That you get to lie without breaking a sweat? And somehow, though, I found it in my heart to want to believe what you said, so I did just that. I'm still pissed off at myself for that too, just so you know. By the way, don't try to lie to me if you ever talk to me again, I had a confirmation from someone that you did what you tried to do. Just that present I gave you ruined your plans. And I still can't believe your friendship meant that much to me. Oh yeah, and this is what pushed me to send that short and simple sms to you that ended everything. I lied when I told you that i didn't need a friend like you anymore. What I really meant to say was that I didn't want you as a friend anymore. I didn't want a friend who found me disposable, who left me waiting without your arrival when you said you would meet up with me, who basically made a fucking fool out of me unintentionally or intentionally,I'm not even sure anymore. I was hurt and I have not forgotten. It was not that one day that pushed me to do it. It was everything that happened over the two years. I know I sound corny, but I just have to say it. This matter is way past my time and I have to put a stop to the memories, so I'm going to do it now. (Damn it Dee, stop fucking mentioning her when you see her. I don't want to fucking know.) Maybe next time, when we see each other again, no, if we see each other again and get to talk, not just speak, we would make the wise desicion of actually staying apart. To leave a huge steel wall inbetween us, so we would never have to repeat the same mistakes we did three times. I just noticed, too, that this is the first and only long letter, or well actually post thing I have written to you. I remember so clearly that it was always you who wrote the long letters. Quite a few of them too. I actually still have one of those letters you wrote to me. The one in sec three, my birthday card. What you wrote in that letter meant so much to me I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. I still have it locked away with all the other cards i received from my friends and family. I know, you should be laughing at me now as you read this. I would too, anyway, if I were you. (God damn it, I can't believe cosfest pushed me to write this thing.) I guess I'm not as good at hiding as I used to be. I'm -as I always say now when I say something wrong- brutally honest. I can't lie or act to save my bloody life.
Now that that's done with, I hope you don't take this too seriously, and forgive me if I hurt you or pissed you off all over again (although I'm pretty sure you won't) I just needed to get that out of my system. I'm going to tell you, that I'm going to forgive and forget all the things we did to each other. I'm going to honestly and truthfully pull myself away from this, and maybe next time, I wouldn't feel that cut when I see you again. If you ever read this, and if you have not already forgotten or forgiven me, you should give it a shot. I heard it helps. One last thing. I'm sorry for all the things I've done to you as well. Trust me, even as I'm typing this down, it's hard for me at this point of time, but I'm sure it'll change.
Now all I have to do, is click that publish post button and